Adversity

I face it now, thinking I’ve known how to deal with it, how to prepare myself to fight with it… But I don’t, for some reason I cannot. Is it my lack of focus? Could be. Is it my lack of understanding? Most likely. Or is it my lack of faith and perspective? I don’t know… I just don’t know… I’m in a stage of my life where I don’t know how, who, when, where, what, which… It’s sad, it is really sad that I’ve gotten to this point by just letting myself drift, living day by day without even thinking realistically about my future. What to do know? How to approach the next stage? The Lord is there, I know He’s always there, but I’ve lost the approach, and I don’t know how to get back to Him. My family is there, they’re always there, but distance keeps the warmth cold, the understanding confused, and the love faded. My girl is there, but once again distance keeps the warmth of her touch, cold. My friends are there, they’re always there, and I know I can count on them 24/7, but I never wanted to be a load on them, or anybody else but myself. All I got left is me, my therapist in the form of a ball, a run, a weight room, in which I’ll be able to figure out ways to think how to leave, how to get out… Immersed in the depth of my thoughts, soundtracked by my music, I will have to learn, think, plan, create, follow thru, and believe. So much to think, so much to see about… are you ready kid? I don’t know, I just don’t know… it’s time to know, time to see, because if I don’t skating by without making any attempt to change is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life. Do you want that?