Growing Pains

REDEMPTION

2010-04-21T01:19:00.004+02:00

Its really funny how life works, how God makes His paths for us to take and be prepared to travel and stay traveling, no matter how hard. It has been a tough season, a rough and tough journey full of ups and downs, and many good times and few bad ones... but through it all, it has been a great learning experience.
Basketball has taught me a lot of things, but life, and more importantly, the way that it must be aproached, and more precisely, the great advises my baby has given me, have proven to me that there is a lot more out there, that at the same time, will help me see bball better. Sounds very complicated, I know, but I think it finally printed on my forehead and onto my brain.
Now its time to see it through, and after a very long season, what could be better than finish it where it all started, at the gym where it all began, and where I fell down, lost it in transition, but return to prove my worth..... how sweet is that, how rewarding it can be if, God willing, I see everything I've visualized since that day when the season began on that track field... It will be tough, it will be extremely demanding, but the sweet feeling of REDEMPTION will overcame it all.

May our God see it through as well...
Thank You Popps

Searching... Running

2010-02-11T17:31:00.006+01:00

Give me grace and chemicals, I wanna run into them.... Such a great song, such a great chorus, so small so powerful, yet so simple, so small.... In these small things I've come to find peace as of lately, in some tough times once again, in the rollercoaster we call life.

What's going on? what's happening? I keep asking myself, while my chest keeps being pressured more and more. It's a very weird feeling, a very strange sensations that I've never had before, that I've never experienced before for such a long span, only in small doses when a new situation arose, or something big was about to happen... Is that it? something big is about to be... Who knows... All I know is that I'm sitting here, having the same feelings, and thinking the same thoughts I had during that long year and a half where everything was black, everything was slow, and everything came at the wrong time...

Everything mixed up with a nervousness created by the fact that this is the worst season of my career so far, in every aspect... Maybe I had to many expectations, too high, or too demanding. Or maybe I had an idea, or a plan that never went through, and now I cant, nor I know how to recalculate my route... Like I said before, it's time to start form scratch, to go back to the basics, and re-do everything from the begining, from the very very begining... Am I ready?

Let me just run into those flowers....

Back to Basics

2010-01-29T01:59:00.002+01:00

Long time, no talk, no write... Many things have occured in this year and a half, and after carefully disecting them, I must reset...

Coming Home...

2008-06-18T12:02:00.003+02:00

Never thought that a plane touching down could actually be felt in the bottom of my heart... At that exact moment I felt peace and joy, filled with hope and very good vibrations. As corny as it sounds, that is the most accurate description I can come up with, to transmit what I felt arriving at the place where it all began, where I first saw the light and felt the air of a newborn life... I'm Home... and couldn't be happier about it.

The summer was beginning to go the same direction, down the same path that I walked last year, where, although one of my biggest learning experiences, my life was as doubtfull as it's ever been. The only option I had, the only way I could avoid that without losing my mind in the attempt was coming to the only place I thought wasn't good enough, it wasn't cool enough to be here... How wrong I was....

It's only been a day, but I already feel the positive effects of this visit, emotionaly and mentally. Although my body feels ready to go, the extenuating trip will not allow such readiness until rest is assured. But above all of the previous, I'm at the beginning, at the source, where it all started and where my soul rejuvenates and becomes one with me again... Ready to go, ready to start.

As it was once said: "Mas vale volverse atras, que perderse por el camino..."
I'm back, and soon I'l turn around to make that way again, better than before, stronger than before.

3W - 0L

2008-05-31T12:52:00.005+02:00

Playoffs won, goal accomplished, season objective completed. It is all said and done, the race is over and after a long fought battle, we have finished on top, making the best out of the year and giving it to the faithful fans, our willing sponsors, and our hard working selves. But after all the champaing bottles are opened, and the last call bell rings, it is inevitable to analyze the season, and everything that happened along the way.

In the end, I'm extremely happy, happy that we won it, and also happy that it's over. The year has been extremely long, weeks went by in slow motion, and the beast named routine, which we always tried to avoid, crept on us many times. On the personal level, my basketball IQ has increased dramatically thanks to this year, to the practices, and the moments, I mean, many many moments I spent on the bench. Although hard, and at times heartbreaking, not playing has giving me a whole new perspective of this game I love. I've also learned from true professionals of this sport, people that has played in the highest level in this country, and that took me under their wing to make me a better player, but also a better person.

There's nothing more to say, nothing more to commet, all there's left are memories, moments, laughs, tears, and the feeling of reaching the goal we fought so hard for 10 months. There's nothing like it.
Thank you all, starting with you Father, for one of the toughest yet most productive seasons of my life. You'll always keep a place in my heart........

Fundacion ADEPAL 2007 - 2008

1W - 0L

2008-05-24T00:52:00.003+02:00

Just as the music flows through the air, my thoughts are flying everywhere in complete disorder. I'm trying to be happy about it, I really am, but maybe because I'm being selfish, or because I wanted it too bad, I can't really be happy... It's just a game, another familiar situation and feeling, but a totally unexpected reaction in my part. Maybe because I wanted it really bad, or because I want to redeem myself in the same stage I once failed, or maybe because I felt ready like never before... And the wheels of my confused mind keep going around and around, feeling the same emptiness, and the intended happiness that hardly shows up. I just hope I can sleep this off, because it is not going to get any easier... Tomorrow will be a new day... hopefully.

Thank You Lord for bringing us to victory, for supporting our teammate and brother, and for being with us during such trying times.

In the end, all that matters is that we won, regardless of my feelings, but once again, the fight in my heart and inside my mind keeps wearing me down... until when?

1 Year After...

2008-05-23T02:49:00.003+02:00

What does success exactly mean? When does a person become successful? I was once told that it happens when you achive what you've always wanted in life. I was once made to believe that it occurs when you get to that place that you've always wanted to go... Some of it may be true, some may be false, but inside of it all, one becomes successful when has been able to move past all those obstacles, those blocks that stop and slow down the march to the ultimate goal. Does it sound like a cliché? Maybe, but in my life, more exactly in this moment of my life, I am starting to get to that point...

A year has gone by since that evening, that moment when a whole season slipped through my fingertips... some said that moment wasnt it all, it wasnt the main reason for the most painful loss I've had to endure in my career... But in my heart, my mind, my soul, I knew that layup triggered it all... But I learned that day, through pain, bitterness, mostly with my own self, and disappointment, that some things happen for a reason; a reason that at the time I didnt fully understand, but I now see, feel, and experience.

Why successful then? You got over it? Is that a success? No it's not. Although difficult, although I was always reminded of that play, getting over the loss was something I had the obligation of doing, as it is my job. The real success comes when I get over the toughest year of my young basketball career. A year full of disappointments, of tough times, injuries, reminders, lost opportunities, injustice, and above all, learning experiences... My Loving God gave me another chance, and He made me work for it, He made me work at it. He put me in a team where the going was rough, and the days where demanding. And here I am, sleepless the night before the biggest game in these playoffs, ready to go, ready to take back what I lost a year ago. It wont be easy, and above all it will be more demanding than ever... But as we all know, The Lord never gives you something you cant handle... Thank you Father for this year, for all that You have taught me, and for all that I've learned, because without You, nothing would've happen the way it has.

"Desire and Determination must overcome Pain and Disappointment"

Philipians 4:19 - But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

PD: Thanks Zack for the comment, and encouragement.

Feeling the Light

2008-04-28T02:12:00.002+02:00

Once again, a change is gonna come... and once again, readiness fills me up, and preparation starts to be my priority. Gettin ready for the change, preparing myself for the objectives...

Seems like the car is startin the respond... Drive safe young man, the road has been tortuous up to this point, and its not going to be any better... Drive safe young man... Drive safe....

Mugging My Life Away

2008-02-29T13:46:00.002+01:00

Here I am, after 2 months of silence, few highs, many downs, I'm back to my corner of meditation and order. Lots and lots of disorder in my life, making it unpleasant to live at times, wanting to run away and disappear... But who has never felt that way? I guess we're all in the same boat, which some times it's in the top of the wave, and some other times under the fiercest storm ever encountered.

After all, I've realized I am the luckiest man on the face of earth, period.

The rest its just confussion, scattered thoughts, decisions, and moments, that dont seem to amount to anything.... Why? I dont know.... Wow, that sounds very familiar...

Back at the starting line... The thing is the green light has been on for awhile, but my car has stalled... Can anyone tell me how to start it?

Fear...

2008-01-27T22:41:00.000+01:00

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of pain, fear of loving, fear of playing, fear of sitting, fear of moving, fear of staying, fear of growing, fear of praying... Fear fear fear.... Why now? Why me? Why like this? It had to come sometime to tell me and show me how thin the ice is under me, and how close I've been of crashing down and drowning in the freezing water. Now that it's been identified, it is time to act on it with audacity, inteligence, and resilience; because it was once said:

Brave men are not those who act without fear,

but those who in the midst of it

have to bravery to act couragesly.

It has been time to do so, for about 2 years now, since that January 20th, when everything kicked off. Time to get going again....

The Silence Treatment

2007-12-17T00:00:00.000+01:00

It almost sounds like a childhood punishment, and it probably was for somebody out there... but for me, it will become my phylosopy and my m.o. for the rest of the season. Not pretending to be negative here, nor childish, that is not my intention; I'm just going to listen, to hear, to absorb, to emulate, instead of talking and complaining. It is extremely simple, and very easy to do, consisting on observing and empiracally analyzing everything that occurs during practices, games, talks, bus rides, and everything else that has to do with the team. I'm not going to become an outcast, but I will become an outcast of myself, turning into an outsider, in order to attain and reach the goals that I've set.

Maybe they don't see it, but I do. Maybe they don't believe it, but I do. Maybe they don't think about it, but I do. Once again, in the same situation, and once again, history repeats itself, but only to get better. How good will it get? Just as good as He wants it to get, and as far as you want to take it. Just remember, for the rest of your days:

NOTHING WORTH HAVING

COMES WITHOUT BEING EARNED

Last Train to Wherever

2007-12-03T01:52:00.000+01:00

It is the last opportunity to make it, the last chance to get on that train, the train that will take me to that hidding place where I want to be so desperatly... But now, desperation has changed into motivation, and fear has become a friend, that pushes me harder and harder everytime. I made the decission, I took the step, and finally stopped what had become the strongest hurricane inside my confused mind.

What's ahead now? What's hidding around this new corner?... Only God knows and plans. I'm ready, I've been ready for this, I just didn't know how to open the door and let the light in. I feel this is a new start, a new begining, a fresh reset in my life, in which although I still have the same worries, the approach has now changed and become more clear.

I'm on the last train to wherever... wherever You take me. New journey ahead, new ways, new approaches... but same motivations and goals. Goals that have never changed, but because of my own ignorance, and lack of determination, have been clouded and distorted. Now they have adopted their original form and shape, and now, once again, they lead my actions, and are driven by purpose. To those that have opened my eyes, thank you... Thank you Lord, thank you life, thank you Yil, Jorge, Safurinha, Pai, Brian, David, FJ...... I am the luckiest man on this earth for having the best friends I could ever asked for.

Time to travel, find Goa, find Wherever, find God, find me...

Goa

2007-11-14T18:14:00.000+01:00

Want to get away, and live in a palce where nobody finds me, nobody knows about me and what I do. Want to find that place where I can be me, I can come out of my shell and start making me, myself, my thoughts, my decissions, my steps... I never thought that place was so hard to find, so difficult to understand it's located. So here I am, looking desperatly for it, not knowing how to, with who, when, what to look for...

I know what I want, I know where to go, how to feel, but I'm afraid of it, so afraid that I dont know how to lay it out, how to make it happen, how to find that place where I want to rest and stay in. Opportunities, many opportunities, but looks like I want to waste them, and go to the easy way out. Not knowing it's what frustrates my being, and clouds my mind from thinking objectively instead of emotionally.

I dont know what to do, but I do know what I want... what do I have? An explossive device waiting to be deactivated but eager to go off at any moment... how to approach it? I JUST DONT KNOW........ I just dont know, or is it that

I dont want to know?????

Reflections

2007-10-23T00:26:00.000+02:00

It was bound to happen, and it was destined to occur like this. First loss of the season, first game started, first post after several months spent under the shadow, the shadow of quietness and reflection... Games and practices have gone by, hours have been spent doing the thing I love the most, and after all those minutes of countless dribbles, passes, shots, and rebounds, the thing the I've learned the most is humbleness and attitude. I lost track, I lost the way that got me here by looking at people that has what I want but and dismissing what got them what I want. It's all planned, It's all suited to happen, but I must believe in to make it happen. Everything starts again now, everything has been refreshed and given a new outlook to improve what was there before... But as always, the shadow of doubt creeps towards my understanding, covering what must happen... Where's the light?????

Accept

2007-08-03T01:28:00.000+02:00

Days of learning experiences, time to myself, to my thoughts, to my music, to my bike, and to a city that has become a shelter in these trying times. Now its time to accept, to weigh options, to learn, to decide, and to follow thru. Never been so scared, and never been so eager to change, for stepping into the unkown, and crusing into this newfound darkness will not be easy until I light the opportune candle. The question is, which one is gonna show me the room I'd love to see? would I light the one that shows nothing? All I know is, that plannig and learning for whichever candle, is all I got left to do.

To the city that made my perception change, my mind relax, and my body recharge... Thank you for your streets, your people, your bicing, your atmosphere. I'll always return when in need.

Making the most out of that dash - ..........

Everything Happens for a Reason

2007-08-01T00:19:00.000+02:00

Reactions have occured, feelings have surfaced, emotion has risen, but amidst different stress inducing situations, light was always present at the end of the tunnel, even when I closed my eyes not wanting to see it. All I know, is that I have the greatest family and friends, those people who are able to open my eyes to look at that light, and see solutions again, see positive again, because for the first time in my entire life, I see black instead of white, I see minuses instead of pluses, and I've let the world, the stress, and the adverse situations get the best of me.

This past week, my life has received major blows, turning points that have set in motion plenty of events that will shape my life in many many ways,some for better, some for worse if I become unaware... Now that eveyrthing has set in, that every thing has become a little more clear, it's time to decide and see what options are available after those turning points have appeared. What to do I ask again? Which direction should I move on to? Plans, paths, directions, decissions, futures, priorities... I'm learning, I'm seeing, I'm climbing out of this hole that I myself dug out of nothin, and fell into. Will I get out? I know I will... How will I get out? I can't answer that, but trust me, I will come out. It's time, it's here, but this time, I will learn the reason instead of dismissing it. This time, the truth will sink in, so deep that will change the way I see my world forever. Thank You Father for opening my eyes...

Beware what you wish for,

You will get it.

Learn or Regret

2007-07-19T17:59:00.000+02:00

Wanna write, but don't know how or more important, what. A month has gone by since the last post, and everything continues to be the same. Same uncertainty, dont know what my life is gonna be in mid august, where I'm going, ad how I'm gettin there. Just wish everything would be less harsh, but like it was said, it's a challenge, nobody said it was going to be easy. I feel like exploding, letting it all blow up in front of me, but I cant do that, I cant take the easy way out... I've put myself into this, I must fight thru it, and come out... but will I learn from it, or regret it? All I know is that I've never been in something this big, this deep, and this demanding, and coming out will just help, wether learning or regreting. Just need a bit more faith, just need a bit more faith...

Those Wonderful Years

2007-06-16T21:08:00.000+02:00

It’s funny how life reminds you how beautiful it can be, it has been, or it will be; and doing it effortlessly. How beautiful it would be to be 5 again, to have been 5 back in ’92, when nobody had to leave, and the 5 would’ve stayed together until today. What would’ve happened then? Where would’ve I ended up at? I don’t know, but in times like this, you always return to memories to comfort a hurt soul, and being 5 sure would be the best comfort I could ask for. To come back to those days where home was home, where mom and dad were home, where they should be, and I would learn everyday with them. I don’t know what would’ve happened, but I know our lives might’ve been a little closer now. I don’t regret anything that has happened, in the other hand, I welcome and feel blessed for everything that has transpired in my short life, but what if???? The only thing I have left is to remember those times, and feel the warmth of that house where I started to learn to be what I am today. That place will always have a place in my heart, a corner of it where memories will always last until the end of my time, knowing and hoping that when I have a family, I don’t have to go through the same, not because it’s bad, but it’s not good either. Families are meant to be and stay together… What if?...

Ain’t That Enough?

2007-06-16T11:07:00.000+02:00

More doubts, more confusion, more unclear sights of what’s next and what to do. I’m lost, like I have never been before, like I have never experienced before. I don’t see things like they should be, or I think they should be, and for the first time ever in my life, I feel like I’m going nowhere, nowhere really fast. I don’t know what I need, if I need You, or basketball, or her, or my family, or my friends, it is unclear to me now. In the meantime, seconds tick away closer and closer to something that I can’t see clearly at all, something that I can’t picture yet, but that I may be afraid to see, and above all, to feel. Should I follow my heart? Should I follow my mind? Should I chase my dream, the dream that so many times shows up while I sleep? I don’t know, I don’t know what it is out there that waits for me, in the horizon, where the lion wants to go, where everything may be easier to live through or harder to stand. I don’t know, but like the lion want to get there and see it with my own eyes, following the warmth of the sunlight and the comforting feel of its touch…

Opportunity + Decision + Faith = ¿¿¿¿????

2007-06-13T22:06:00.000+02:00

What’s the formula? What’s the mathematical rule that can give me an answer, a solution for me? Now that I know what’s coming in, who most likely will be in charge, doubt assaults me. My heart has never been filled with so many questions, so many question marks. Some moments I know I want it, some I know I don’t want it. I look back and think for a second that I have been here before, but before she wasn’t in the balance, love wasn’t part of the deal as heavy as it is now. Here I am, with a basketball dream ready to start becoming a reality (more than it has been) in one hand; and a college degree, with a life with my baby, starting our life together in the other. In the middle, there’s me, a confused man, in whose inside lays a little boy, growing up, making decisions with the most care and the greatest misunderstanding at times, learning from mistakes from the past, now and the future. These past couple of days have give me so much time to think, to process things, that I could be typing here for never ending lines, trying to put my thoughts together. The “what if’s” keep bombarding my head, constantly, every second, and it hasn’t even happened yet, I haven’t even left yet… What Samir? What? What? What? ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿??????

Adversity

2007-06-12T23:04:00.000+02:00

I face it now, thinking I’ve known how to deal with it, how to prepare myself to fight with it… But I don’t, for some reason I cannot. Is it my lack of focus? Could be. Is it my lack of understanding? Most likely. Or is it my lack of faith and perspective? I don’t know… I just don’t know… I’m in a stage of my life where I don’t know how, who, when, where, what, which… It’s sad, it is really sad that I’ve gotten to this point by just letting myself drift, living day by day without even thinking realistically about my future. What to do know? How to approach the next stage? The Lord is there, I know He’s always there, but I’ve lost the approach, and I don’t know how to get back to Him. My family is there, they’re always there, but distance keeps the warmth cold, the understanding confused, and the love faded. My girl is there, but once again distance keeps the warmth of her touch, cold. My friends are there, they’re always there, and I know I can count on them 24/7, but I never wanted to be a load on them, or anybody else but myself. All I got left is me, my therapist in the form of a ball, a run, a weight room, in which I’ll be able to figure out ways to think how to leave, how to get out… Immersed in the depth of my thoughts, soundtracked by my music, I will have to learn, think, plan, create, follow thru, and believe. So much to think, so much to see about… are you ready kid? I don’t know, I just don’t know… it’s time to know, time to see, because if I don’t skating by without making any attempt to change is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life. Do you want that?

Now what??

2007-05-16T01:30:00.000+02:00

Whats next?
How to find out?
How to do it?.........

Lost In Transition

2007-05-15T02:44:00.000+02:00

Dont even know where to start, where to begin pouring out what my mind and heart have brewing and revolving. Since it all happened, seconds have turned into hours, and in my mind, i keep seeing the ball rollin out, dancing on the base of the rim, and soon after jumping off the edge... That was a game, that roll was a season, it was 9 months falling apart in front of my eyes, 9 months fading away from my slippery hand to then become a hope of another crowd, another town, another team. Many have said it wasnt that moment, but I know it was, I that moment chaged everything, and I take full responsability for that miss, that split second where everything was lost in transition...

Now I face uncertainty, now the curtain in front of me is so thick, so foggy, that I dont know if I'm ready to see it, or if it is what I wanna see. All it can be said is that after 9 months, and for the first time in my life, this actually means something more than a scholarship; it represents a life, a creed, a culture... which I hope to recover soon, because now I now what addiction really feels like, and I dont want to go thru it for so long. Thank You Shorty for giving me this beautiful opportunity in my life at 23 yrs old. May your Will allow me to stay on this path for a long time.
For that town, thank you for the greates support I've ever felt outside of my close ones; that atmosphere will never be forgotten.

Thank you Basketball for makin my dreams come true

Uncertainty

2007-04-29T23:45:00.000+02:00

Facing uncertainty... It is uncertain, it is unclear, unknown... How can I face something like that? How can I go about it with a clear, and certain approach that will help me? Now, more than ever, and I think that for the first time in my life, I fear. I dont fear failure, or disappointment, never that, thats not me; I fear outcomes, and above all I fear the way events may unfold. Am I ready, or am I not? I wont know untill I get there. Do I have it in me or do I not? I wont feel it until I get there...
It is the time of change, a bigger change than the one I thought was the biggest, but something has never fell so short of big ever before. It is the time for sacrifize, real sacrifize, for the one Love, for that one person to whom I want to give my all. It is time to put my dream on hold, but at the same time, to prepare myself to get in an even better position compared to the one I've been until this point. Like it has been said, uncertainty will reign at the beginning, but I know and believe that it will be short, as time, and only time is capable of creating and bringinig up opportunities. God willing, I'll take advantage of those opportunities, she and I will take advantage of whats out there.
Time to go back to the river, time to get back to the basics, where everything begun, and every single part of my soul was put together as a whole, to be what it is now. I cannot express my greatness enough for what You have done with me, my life, and what happens in it every second. Thank You

Stall....

2007-02-10T01:20:00.000+01:00

Everybody is moving but me, everything is going about their business but it feels my business has stopped suddenly. Is it the injury? Is it all this time to think? I do feel like I havent accomplished as much as I could've. Do I have time to fix it? I think i do, but it wont be much. It has been a weird week, reliving memories and pains. I hate being stalled, I hate being away from that rectangle, and now more than ever, I realized I've been taking for granted the love for that rectangle and what happens within its boundaries. I must be patient now, knowing that once I am free again, I wont make the same mistake again, twice... I must now work when nobody sees, giving it all when nobody thinks I can. Going back to basics, to the true basics that got me here

The Man in the Glass

2007-02-07T23:47:00.000+01:00

Just you, do you, be you... Always positive

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And he world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
This fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass

You may be like Jack Horner and Chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend

And may fool the whole world down the pathways of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you cheated the man in the glass

NO EXCUSES

Familiar Feelings

2007-02-07T22:09:00.000+01:00

It all started in Dec. 29th, 2005... I became what I am today, I turned to be who I am today. For the next 5 months, my life and my preception of it changed so much, that even today I'm still learning and discovering things I never knew existed and could affect me. I thought I had left it all behind, that the leasson was learned and never to be seen again... but as life has always taught us, history tends to repeat itself, and for the next couple of weeks, I will be in the same situation I was for the last three months of a season that was my season. I dont blame anybody, I cant and I never will; it was a blessing in disguise that has put me where I am today.
Although the settings are different, I have the same thoughts, same feelings, same duties, same sensations... I let everything build up to where it is today, and now I must stay faithful and positive to bring it all down. I'm the one to blame for becoming complacent, allowing myself to agree to what happens around me without even attempting to deal with it. I'm flying through the motions, but I know that it's not me, you know that it's not me, and He knows that it's not me. I didnt work out for nothing, I didnt sweat for nothing, I didnt cry and pray for nothing, I didnt run and shoot for nothing, I didnt study for nothing... I came to a stop, a good stop, because know I can be on the way again, THE way to be me, with You and her.

Thank You

Rainy Dayz

2007-01-30T00:09:00.000+01:00

Where is it? Even better... What is it? How is it? Many questions flooding a confused mind... Many interrogants fly around my head. Many outcomes, many directions, many desires. Time to separate and choose, to feel and follow, to think and act. Familiar feelings, known sensations, confused reactions... Father help me to be smart, thoughtfull and faithfull. Now more than ever I need y'all...

H & H

2006-12-27T22:24:00.000+01:00

Forget everything you've know until know, dismiss it, keeping only what it's truly important: your faith, your love, and your beliefs. It's time to see things from a different point of view. Stay hungry, but remain humble. I had forgotten what that meant... I didnt know what that was, and I sure forgot what it felt like until today. Actions reflect thoughts, thoughts reflect values, values reflect personality, personality reflects character.... I contaminated my own chain, and I let my own ego and pride blind me from the truth... Tonight I've learned a lot, from my family, my won self, my own situation... This life is simpler than I've felt it, but harder than I've pictured it; it is now my turn to look at that sun, and see beyond it, dream and plan ahead of it, because the day of tomorrows holds the best of both worlds, and for that we must be prepared for both worlds.... Thank You Lord.... Only you could make me see it.....

1st Samuel 20:4
Learning how to ask.....

Family Values

2006-10-16T15:50:00.000+02:00

Uncertain times approached a couple of days back... Sometimes I couldnt see what was actually happening, how things were developing in front of my eyes. It even shocked me once, and it still does, after one week. During these uncertain times, one thing I saw, and felt more than ever was my family. Never thought the distance could become so short... Never thought love could actually be felt 9000 km away. I thought I felt it, I thought I knew what it felt like; but I could've never been so far from the truth. My auntie showed us the path, and gave us an understanding of what family really is. I´ve seen support, understanding, love like never before. Even far away from them, I felt their pain and their cry for help. The strength they´ve picked up in the midst of the greatest pain, was so inspiring, so intense, that I´ll never forget that moment, that conversation that turned everything around. I understood how fragile our lifes are, and how fast we forget it. Live, enjoy, believe, pray... Enjoy my family, see my lil nephews grow, be there for my brothers, how day after day give me the greatest support I could ask for. I'm a lucky man, and I thank God for all I got. My God, my family, my friends, my sport, my life... Thank you

RIP Rossana Mogne Tavares
May God confort her soul for the rest of time. We love till the end of time, and we'll never forget the incoditional support you always gave us. I love you auntie...
Is 41:10

Cant get right....

2006-09-27T13:02:00.000+02:00

Scrambled thoughts and feelings keep going thru my head. I want something and I dont know how to get it; I want to go somewhere and I dont know how to get there; I want to make it count but I dont know how to do it... Little things keep getting to me, lil bullshit that only makes me weaker, and the worst part, I´m allowing it to do so. Focusing on the goal... getting there is my task, wanting to get there is not enough. I never had a better opportunity, and because of this I´m not gonna let it go to waste. One day at a time.... One day....

Is 41:10

Direction

2006-08-15T23:37:00.000+02:00

Another Day, Just Believe

Another Day, Just Breathe

I´m used to it by Now...

Just Breathe...

Keep your head up, stick your chest out, and handle it. Always remember that after the storm and rain, the sun always comes up no matter what. I still believe, and tht wont change... 1st Samuel 20:4

Breathe It All In...

2006-07-21T00:03:00.000+02:00

For some reason I knew this was going to happen... It couldnt be so easy for the both of us, someone would crack, someone would allow doubt and grief get to them. I know what I want, I knew then and I know know, my mind is so set into something, I´m not going to allow time and distance change me, and change what I want... always ready, always prepared to adapt to change. Altho hurts, it is probably the best option; altho I dont want it like that, I´ll swallow it up, digest it and get rid of it. I wont crumble just because she wants to do so; I wont let down just because her indecision and insecurity. I´ll do me, I´ll be me, I´ll keep making me, I´ll keep living for Him... Time now to move on, and get ready for whats ahead, which wont be easy. New places, new faces, new challenges, new routines, new things to see and live. No fear, no hessitasion, never timid, always bold. I cant see it for now, but I visualize it... I dont know how, but I believe I will... I cant touch it yet, but I sure can feel it.... My future, my life, my existence... One Love, divine hands.... Jer 29:11

Tryin...

2006-06-26T18:03:00.000+02:00

The more it´s coming in, the more I want those thoughts to be out... I heard that phrase many times before, and when it was said nothing ¨good¨ happened... I´ll see, I´ll find out this is all about and what the outcome is. If it happens, it wont stop me or break me, I´ve been there, done that, it will hurt, but it wont last forever..... Making it count Lord - Jer 29:11

New Path

2006-05-18T09:05:00.000+02:00

Do not go where the path may lead,

go instead where there is no path

and leave a trail.

Time to create my path, to go about my new beginning, where many guess thoughts arepresents, but never any doubts. Soon I'll be home, on the other side of the ocean, giving life to those dreams that I've had for so long... Soon, everything will become clearer, more enjoyable, less difficult but still as or more demanding... no problem with that. It is time, it is what it is. This is what I do, this is what I want to do, this is what I will do. All in ur hands - Is 45:11

Where did that come from????

2006-05-15T05:06:00.000+02:00

First of all, that was very unexpected... Why did it hapen now? Why did it happen that way?.... I know what I want, I know what I must do to accomplish it but situations like that make me think, never doubt, but they do put little thoughts in the back of my mind... What do they mean? Why now? Why like this? I know this will happen, I know by His Love and Power things are meant to be this way, I'm faithfull and a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Yet I dont know the reason for this, but I will figure it out. I must keep moving tho, there's no reason for stopping now, no time for it or for slowing down... Even when everything around you seems to have stopped, I'll keep moving like I've been doing. No injury, none of those girls, no coach, no doubters... none of them can stop me now. They dont know, they dont see what I see, they dont feel what I feel, they dont do what I do..... I've been working hard for this, I've been giving it almost everything, and I know I can give it more and I will, I must.... No distractions, no letdowns, no bulls***t.... It's just my God, me, my dreams, my life, my family.......

For your enjoyment: "No Fear" - Tactful

Decision

2006-05-11T21:03:00.000+02:00

"If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attemp it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to endure with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid"

Still thinkin, still separating, still deciding.

May God help me on this - Jer 29:11

Grind Time

2006-05-03T03:41:00.000+02:00

They trying to say I'm down down

Yeah they say I'm down and out

Cause I'm back on my grind

Money back on my mind

The world is mine

.....

They said this was it, the mentioned this was it for me, that I wasnt good enough, that I was down and out, that I wasnt worthy for the plan.... So wrong, so regretful... I know you feel like that, and I understand because it's obvious... But this is it between you and me, between this program and me. I got bigger things ahead, bigger plans in which God is present and has his hand on it. I'm done going to your buildings, seein the same weird population that crowds your hallways, the same fake and inmature population that never accepted, never knew, and never will. Thanks for some memories, thanks for some opportunities and a few great people; but after its all said and done, you will not see me again.

Now its time to focus on whats ahead, what the future holds for me, for us... time to do everything I can possibly do so my Lord and Savior does the impossible. I know it might be fast, I realize it might open some eyes, but thats life, and theres the beauty of it: making your decissions and following thru 100%, never looking back, never regreting, always learning, always absorbing.

Lingering around: "Down and Out" - Cam'ron ft. Kanye West

Light

2006-04-19T18:36:00.000+02:00

I see it, I feel it, I sense it... It is here, it is now, it is my time. After readings, workouts, diets, weight rooms, runs, sprints, ice, stem, talks... the time for me to be is here. I get goosebumps, I get the chills because I know how big this is, how many doors I can open if I do what I'm capable off doing and more. I know I will do so, I know I will perform, I know I will give it my best, I know I cannot fail, I know I'm ready, I know and believe this is for me, I know He's with me, I know everything is set and ready, and I know the outcome will be the best for me, my dreams, my future, my baby. The end of the tunnel approaches fast, the light is brighter and more powerfull as I get closer; I'm not afraid, because there's nothing to be scared off. It's either black or white, either I play or I dont, either I run or I dont... No excuses, no delays, no bullshit.... This is it, this is my time, the moment is finally here.... For You, for her, for me - Is 41:10

It Is What It Is

2006-04-04T04:42:00.000+02:00

Thoughts and thoughts, and more thoughts, and desires, and dreams, and more dreams.... My mind is a mix of everything, attempting to sort out whats important, whats worth keepin and whats worth really absorbing. Eventfull times I must say, but during this so not crazy times, there's always time to stop, step out, look, and analyze. Many changes are approaching, a new begining is coming at full speed at me, and as days go by I know and realize that I'm ready for it. I'm a little concerned because I'm facing a new complete world, a totally different paradigm where my reality is going to shift so drastically, that many things I used to believe were right or good, are going become pointless and worthless.

It has been a long ride, with a lot of lessons learned, a lot of misdirections and misconceptions that shifted my path, one that was getting me away from what I must become. Although I thought I was walking right, I was just blinded by my own ignorance; although the intentions were the correct ones, my methods were so far from being right that I soon started to doubt. But today, yesterday, since January 20th 2006 those doubts have disappeared and are destroyed, because now I know... I know what it is, I know what it takes, I know how to get there, I know I have what it takes, I know what to do, and above all I know and believe this is for me. Today I know I can, I feel I can, I believe I can, and I know I will.

Thank you to those who believe in me, and like me, now know. My God for allowing me to be who I am, and giving me absolutely everything I am and have. My family for support me every single day of my life, and altho being separated during most of the year, I know their love and support are right here with me. To the Corpas' and YellowRobes' whose vision and sacrifice has put me in this position. To my niggas, Alex for giving me doses of reality when needed, Jorge for making the most out of the word friendship... without your love and support, I wouldnt be where I am and I would've not lasted as much as I have. To my baby, who makes me a better man, shows me that everythin has a reason, and is there when I need her advise... you have become so much, with so little... brightness is all we have ahead. To my brother and trainer Brandon, whose love for the game drives me more than I've ever thought. To my trainer Shana, whose knowledge and understanding teaches me that it's all in me... no quittin before the finish line. To my school's trainer Dennis, whose work allowed me to run and jump like before. Coaches, teammates, parents, prayers...

Time to go, time to prepare, time to perform.......

"Men are born to live, not to prepare to live"

22 Days...

2006-03-31T04:40:00.000+02:00

You can always feel change, the approach of a new time always lets you know their presence will be felt shortly. I'm not scared, I was once when I knew I wasnt ready to face that change, when I didnt believe I was determined enough to make a difference, to make it count.Everything has changed. The approach is slow but steady, the preparation is hard but rewarding, the sacrifice is big but meaningfull.... It's all in my mind, and I will use it to get me there, no matter how hard I must push my body, I will get there with the help of The One, my family, my niggas, my baby. I'm ready mentally, I'm gettin ready physically, but most importantly, I'm ready to be what is planned for me to be.... A boy, A Ball, A Dream

Since The Beginning

2006-03-24T08:48:00.000+01:00

It all started then, when dreams were mere imagination products, when I could fly faster than Superman, or be more agile than Spiderman... With that approach, with that same attitude, I must go forward and be what I want to be... for me, for her, For God... Always alert, always disciplined, always faithful...

It all starts with a dream....

She's got me

2006-03-24T08:07:00.000+01:00

Just when I thought I was cool, when everything was starting to calm down, and get boring again... My Lord came in and showed me what this is all about, and thru her, He told me how beautiful it can be. These past days I've been in a cloud, dreaming, thinking, wondering, imagining, picturing... She has put more determination in my mind; she has allowed me become stronger, bringing the best out of me, making me want to realize the dream it even more. I dont know what it is, I cant explain what she's done, how she's got me, but the more I think about her, the more eager I get to see her, feel her touch, her lips, look into her beautiful and colorful eyes... I've found someone who understands me, who knows what I'm about, and feels the same love for the game that I feel; I'm lucky to be in this position, and even luckier to know how soon everythin will become a reality.... Until then baby girl... My dreams and thoughts belong to you and the game I love...

As you wish my princess

Let Your Game Speak

2006-03-12T01:45:00.000+01:00

The way the game should be played....

So much....

2006-02-21T18:54:00.000+01:00

So much to do... to see... to accomplish... to work... to give up... to acquire... to dream of... to take in... Lord please give me the strength to get where I want to get, and to do what I want to do...

Proverbs 14:23
"In all hard work there is profit, but the talk of the lips leads only to poverty"

It's About That Time

2006-02-14T21:10:00.000+01:00

I dont know what to do, I dont know how to feel, I just know I have to work and be strong, I just know everything I do now, will get me that much closer to Him, and to that day, that moment... It's about that time...

Rumble Young Man Rumble

2006-01-06T08:25:00.000+01:00

I welcome myself back to my blog, as I've been totally gone for a whole month, which not only has brought a lot a changes to my existence, but also has taught me valuable lessons. It's been a while since I had the chance to sit down, and sort my head out, see things from every perspective and approach their solution in the best way.
During this month, I was able to go home, see my family after a couple of months and see how big my little nephhew has gotten. It was a great time, away from the daily routine that kills us so much, but I was able to value family, not that I never did it before, but you dont realize about what you have until you dont have it anymore. Seeing my sister, my mother, my brother in law, my nephew, and my close friends which I consider family, has opened my heart and allowed me to see that there's a lot more out there than my own dreams.
On the same token, now it's time for me to be on my own again, everything changes one more time. My roommate and best friend is leaving, withdrawling from school and the team making things around here a little bit different, as well as challenging. It always helps to have somebody around that's going through your same situations, but now that he'll be gone soon, I must become me again. To cope with that change, my plan consists on becoming a working machine, staying focused on my basketball and school dreams. I've partied all I needed, I've been out more that I desired, so now it's time to settle down, come down to earth, and work, and I say work, I mean work. Although there's been a minor setback on the form of a knee injury, God is teaching me patience, and resilience in order to keep moving on. It's frustrating seeing your team struggle or lose, but in the end, all it matters is being able to be out there to give them a hand to avoid that situation, and that's what I'm working on right now: getting back out there.
One more time, time to get going, to start fighting again, and to keep believing in Him as He has never and will never leave me (Is 41:10). Time to rumble, young man rumble

Tough Lesson

2005-12-03T07:12:00.000+01:00

Just when you relax, thinking everything is going well, and all the things you wanted are granted to you; God shows that complacency and, taking things for granted are words that are not in his dictionary. Tonight He taught me this tough lesson. Tonight He let me know how much harder I need to go, How much better I need to become. Tonight was just one of those games that you know you need to get it done, you want to do it bad enough, but because your mind it's not into it for whatever reason, the game doesn't turn out the way you want it to be, frustrating the s*** out of you. I'm learning to become more strong mentally, not allowing petty things get at me and affect my focus. It's hard, I'm realizing it's very hard, but with God's help I'm going to get through it. If God brings me to it, He'll get me through it. Patience, that's the word of the night, and tomorrow my quote of the day is going to be: What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail ever?....

Finally

2005-12-01T22:27:00.000+01:00

Finally saw the light... Finally realized how bad they needed us out there... After 8 games, we finally got our chance to shine, to show what we're capable of, and what we can do. This past weekend I learned a lot from my teammates, my coaches, my friends, adn myself. You'll shine when they want you to shine. You'll get your chance when they want to give it to you. But do not, do not be satisfied by just being up there, because as fast as they put you on that throne, they'll bring you down if you dont stay prepared to weather the storm that is always suffered at the top. Never procrastinate your way to the top, because if you do, somebody is already working harder than you to get to your spot, to take your money, to close your door to that dream you've always wanted to accomplish. Life is beautiful, life is great, life is tough, life is complicated if you want to make it complicated. Enjoy everyday as it's THE LAST; play every game as it's THE LAST; love and care about people as NEVER BEFORE; and work and commit as hard as NEVER BEFORE. Two more chances to become what you want to become, to more games to show what you got, and demonstrate once and for all that your spot is on that floor, doing whatever it takes to get better, to make everybody better, and to WIN.

Mind Games

2005-11-21T20:16:00.000+01:00

Everytime I try to write on on my blog, I can never manage to get my thought process right and put down what really disturbs me and makes my mind wonder what would happen if things were different. I've been there a lot of time this past week, I've wonder a lot of times about my life decisions, but as I've learned ever since I left the other side of the ocean: "You live and you learn". Playing basketball has make a great impact in my life, from learning the game in itself, to learning life from the game. Patience, resilience, perseverance, willingness, poise, determination... All those things you only see in self-help books, I've really come to see them, and feel them first hand during all this time that I've played. My life has been my everyday school, and basketball has been one of my greatest teachers. I still have a long way to go, I still must learn a lot more... but as I heard once: "You live and you learn"......

Nu Beginning

2005-11-10T01:25:00.000+01:00

What if that day came?? The day u realized what you're here for, the day you just knew what your purpose in this life is... Is that day coming any soon?? We all wished that... For now, all I have is this little corner where i can at least lay all my thoughts down, sort them, and analyze them so that day we all await for comes soon. Welcome to my spot, and I welcome myself as well, to what will become my minds outlet to the routine that surrounds and drwons me everyday.